Dear Journal
by Sage SK
Summary: In small moments, the SWAT Kats recall incidents of what had happened in previous missions, expressing their feelings and their views into their journals.
1. Is it worth it?

  
Title: Dear Journal  
Author: Sage SK  
Comments: "Razor's Edge" had me worked up. I'm one of those sentimental suckers that sniffles in a sad part (Mua!! Say THAT five times fast!!), even if the episode wasn't intended to be that depressing. Well, it was to me... and I imagined what it was Jake would write down into his journal after the whole incident... before telling T-Bone/Chance where he was going. This is my take.  
  
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Journal Entry # 59  
  
I've seen possibilities of what my future could be. I've seen where I could be years from now - on T.V., reading the paper, watching my father...  
  
I always thought I could have been capable of saving world, to be a hero, to have someone look up to me.   
  
Granted, I *have* saved the world, quite literally. The incident with Mutilor* was no joke. Not to me, not to Chance.   
  
We saw what this monster was capable of. We knew what the consequences were if he stole all our water. Yet, we stopped him. I give Lt. Feral credit for interrupting his horrid torture on us. Then, it was our turn to stop him before he fired towards the ship.   
  
I look back on how we did it. We. The SWAT Kats. My missiles took him down, but it was Chance's reckless yet incredible flying that gave me the advantage.   
  
Where *would* I be without T-Bone's flying? Six feet below the ground is my best guess. I know I'd be able to handle the flying bit, but never attempt the maneuvers Chance manages to pull off and hope to get the Turbokat out without a single scrape. Dr. Viper proved that.**  
  
However, I'm responsible for firing our missiles. It's not that it scares me every time we go up there. It's the fact that I find myself *praying* every time I send a missile out. Praying every time that I will hit the intended target and not harm any innocent bystanders.   
  
I know my missiles were designed to act as stunners, not killers. Most of them anyway. But, this time, I probably underestimated the capacity of my missiles. Of the consequences.   
  
The Octopus Missiles are stunners. They are *supposed* to be stunners! Tonight, they *were* supposed to be stunners! To take that ship down to the ground so the Enforcers could arrest that thief.   
  
I *know* it was an accident. Chance has been repeating the same thing since we got back. I want to believe it. I didn't mean to hurt those people.   
  
But I did.   
  
An elderly couple.   
  
My worst found fear occurred tonight. All to catch the criminal we were chasing earlier.   
  
Why? Why didn't I think?   
  
I could have fired a bola missile and stopped him all the same. But, my fingers flew to the options on my control panel... my mind picked the Octopus Missile.   
  
I was too quick.   
  
I don't consider myself a wuss, much less a weakling. My sensitivity can be a curse sometimes, though.   
  
But, the lives of people are important. And, so is my partner's life.   
  
Chance isn't just a partner. He's my best friend... my brother. And, I almost got us killed.   
  
My hesitation was not a smart move, and if this is way things are going to be for the SWAT Kats from now on, then Chance is better off going solo.   
  
I can't risk it. Not now. Maybe until I find out that all this work was worth the trouble.   
  
Until then, I have to apologize for my flaw, then I need to think things over. Chance'll hate me for it, but it's the only way to keep him safe. Both him and the city.   
  
I'm praying again. This time, it's to make sure I'm doing the right thing. Who knows? Firing the missiles was a mistake. Maybe walking off is a mistake. I'll find out soon enough.   
  
  
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References:   
  
* -- "When Strike Mutilor"  
** -- "Mutation City"  
  
Musical Inspiration:   
  
"Dante's Prayer" by Loreena McKennitt  
(The Book of Secrets)  



	2. Thanks, Buddy

Title: Dear Journal -- Thanks, Buddy  
Author: Sage SK  
  
Comments: Yet another journal entry, this time coming from the pen of Chance Furlong. Yes, "Mutation City" was another sniffling moment for me... somewhere near the end. Regardless of what I say, it's still one of my favorite episodes. This entry is written sometime after the mission.  
My thanks go to the readers at FF.N for the wonderful reviews on the first journal entry and for the encouragement to write another one. Thanks muchly! ;D  
  
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I'm not one to usually write my thoughts and feelings into a sheet of paper, but I figure it's the only way to let it out without bothering my partner again with the same thing he's heard for the past four hours.   
  
It's almost 2:00 a.m., and I haven't slept a wink. My thoughts have been rambling for goodness knows how long.   
  
This night's incident made me realize how my actions can almost lead to negative consequences.   
  
Reasons for this aren't what I could have done to avoid it. It's the fact that what I did scared me so much that I almost didn't have the strength to pull myself out of... whatever it was that was holding me down.   
  
But, I wasn't the only one. I had help. Had it not been for Razor, I would have remained half a frog for the rest of my life.   
  
I don't know how long Viper had this planned out. How long he had planned to turn our city into his infamous realm of swamp and horrific mutations that could've finished off with the rest of katkind. Whatever it was, I sure wasn't prepared for it.   
  
Earlier today, I almost drowned during our routine obstacle course. Jake pulled me out minutes later once he realized I wasn't yanking his tail. That's where he discovered my inability to swim, the pathological fear I've kept hidden for so long. I wasn't ready to face him, but I did anyway. I don't know what it was that got me so upset at him. Maybe it was the fear that I would have been the laughing stock between the two of us. Maybe it was the fear that I *would* have drowned if Jake hadn't pulled me out.   
  
But, all Jake did was go into his worry mode and ask why I never told him about this... fear. He even offered to teach me to swim. I have to snort at that one. Me, a grown kat in his twenties, being taught how to swim by his younger friend. I can't say it's stupid. I really appreciate Jake's concern, but at the same time it wasn't something I could see myself doing. Maybe I just believed that I could do it myself once my time came.   
  
My time didn't come during our rush to MegaKat BioChemicals. After my jetski* was literally eaten by the creep that caught me midway, I was thrown back into muck. This one was a lot deeper than the pool in our obstacle course. Even semi-conscious, I felt myself sinking.   
  
The next thing I felt was Razor beside me, pressing his oxygen mask against my mouth to give me air... and his mini Octopus Missile to get rid of the little critter that was gnawing at my back at the moment. I could have swam at that moment, but to be sincere, I was indeed starting to freak out. I guess I managed to calm down a bit after we got out.   
  
Then, once we reached MegaKat BioChem, I started to feel the change... a feeling of anger, a feeling of... destruction. I don't know where my mind went, but I was screaming. I found myself attacking my partner with no remorse. Deep inside, it was like I was a zombie. I could see what was happening, but I couldn't stop the... creature inside me. I was a monster. I was deliberately trying to hurt my partner and there was no stopping me. And, had Razor not used another missile to stop me, I could've done worse. Heaven knows what I would have done had Razor not reacted the way he did.   
  
My time finally came once I inhaled the anti-mutagens that turned me back to normal. I heard the explosion. But, I could care less of what had happened to me. The only thought that ran through my head was if Razor was still around... and if he could forgive me after all that happened. If he could forgive me for my feeble attempts of hurting him when my mind was gone.   
  
My heart stopped when I saw him sinking, unconscious. I suppose that's where the "sink or swim" metaphor came into place. No sooner did I spy my friend sinking slowly towards the bottom than I swam after him to get him to the surface.   
  
I didn't even stop to think about that part. My only concern was if Razor was still breathing. I was desperate. I needed to wake him up... I needed to see him alive. I wasn't ready to lose him that way.   
  
Kats, was I relieved to see him open his eyes. I could have laughed when the first words to come out of his mouth were, "I thought you didn't know how to swim."  
  
And, it's true that I didn't know how it felt to be a giant mutant frog either, but that's in the past.   
  
I figure with everything that happened today, I might as well give it a rest. Jake forgave me. I overcame my fear. However, the fear of losing my best friend still remains. I'm not going to lose Jake... I'll be sure of that.   
  
Until then, only one thought crosses my mind as I finish this entry.   
  
Thanks, Jake. Thanks a lot.  
  
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*- I'm not too sure what the Boys called their jetskis in that epsiode... that is, if they had a name for it. I tried looking for the name in various websites, but no luck thus far. If anybody can give me the name, I'll give you a cookie! ;)   
  
Inspirational Music:   
  
Loreena McKennit (The Mask and the Mirror)  
  
Track 7 -- "Ce He Mise Le Ulaingt (Who am I to Bear it?)/The Two Trees"  
Track 8 -- "Prospero's Speech"  



End file.
